I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
