she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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