She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
