This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
