what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
