i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
