Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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