You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
