Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
