He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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