break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
