Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
