It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
