im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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