So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
