If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
