i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
