OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh god the rape fog is back!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize