you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
