Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
