They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
