but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
