M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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