Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
