I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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