my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize