I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
