I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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