can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
