6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
