When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
