"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
