had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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