you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
