I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
