If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
