we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
