6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
