who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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