I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
