You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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