remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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