Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize