stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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