i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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