I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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