Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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