im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize