Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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