I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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