When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
