They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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