I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
