I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
