she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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