if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
