The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
