Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
