Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
nutella sex= disaster
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
