dude i'm inner monologue high
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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