For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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