Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
