Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
